Bullying Is An Epidemic In Our Schools
The school year is around the corner for us, but for many it has already started. When I first started working with school-aged children I immediately noticed a horrifying trend – the overwhelming amount of kids reporting being bullied or harassed in school. It is heartbreaking to hear some of the stories the kids have. Anywhere from kindergarten to high school – I have clients tell me about how they have been excluded, pushed, grabbed, hit, knocked over, stepped on, spit on, lunches stolen, made fun of for (their clothes, shoes, hair, music choice), cyber bullied, harassed on social media, told to go kill themselves via text or Facebook…I could go on. My heart break changes to anger, thinking if it were my kid, what would I do? Why is the zero tolerance policy for bullying not working? Why is texting or putting a Facebook message encouraging a student to kill themselves not warranting of suspension or expulsion or even criminal charges? Why is it ok for a child or teenager to be beaten up and have it be videoed and snapped for the world to see – why can’t we take action even if it was off school grounds and not during school hours? Kids are smart – they know where the cameras are, they know when adults are not looking. They take advantage and our children suffer the consequences. Many parents come to me feeling absolutely helpless. They’ve gone to the principal, the police, the parents – to no avail. What do we do about this epidemic when 1 in 4 kids are reported to having been bullied in school? That is an astounding statistic. It results in school refusal, depression, anxiety, self-harm and potentially even suicide. Adding insult to injury, children who are depressed, anxious or who have low self-esteem are at a greater risk for being bullied. Why do we have to wait until the damage is already done before something is done about this issue?
So What Do We Do?
As a therapist I contact the school and talk with the guidance counselor, principal and teachers to make them aware of the situation and work with them on fixing it. In therapy I work with the child on improving their self-esteem, depression and anxiety. I encourage parents to get as involved in the school as possible and hold the school accountable for the emotional and physical well-being of their child. Educators and administrators should hold every bully accountable and make those moments teachable moments – bringing to light their behavior, working with them on ways to change it, and encouraging all educators to making bullying prevention a priority. An incentive program could be implemented in schools where children and teens are rewarded for being kind to others or who help other students in need. It also starts in the home. One of the biggest concerns with someone who bullies another person is their lack of empathy and compassion. Teaching your children to be empathetic, caring and compassionate individuals and praising them for times when they have shown compassion and showing them that caring for others is not fruitless – helps prevent your child from becoming a bully. We need to be teaching our children to stand up for what is right even if they are standing alone.
You Can Make A Difference
If you feel that your child is being bullied or something is not right, request a meeting with the guidance counselor or administrator in the building as soon as possible. Talk with your child and ask them about school – what they did, who their friends are, and asking them what the high and low points of their day can help you figure out if there is a problem in school. Parents should be heavily monitoring social media including Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Kik, and any and all other messenger apps which will help ensure your child’s safety on the internet. If your child is being bullied via text or social media, take screen shots of all messages and block any users who are harassing your child. Encourage your child to ignore and not respond to any messages and report these messages to the proper authorities. Make a record of any and all phone conversations, outreaches, and events that have happened since the bullying started in a notebook to keep track of. If your child expresses feelings of worthlessness, sadness, anxiety, or thoughts of self-harm it is important to get them help immediately by having them speak to a crisis counselor and enrolling them in counseling. [If you need help finding a counselor or crisis center near you, please see my resources page].
We need to fight back. We send our kids to school everyday so that they learn and grow as individuals – not to be tortured and victimized. We need to make any and all efforts to ensure that bullying stops. Discomfort is the precursor for change – let’s make people so uncomfortable that the current situation must change and our children are safe.
